Book Review: Date Like a Woman by Kai Nicole

Purchase Date Like a Woman

Book Title: Date Like a Woman
Author: Kai Nicole
Format: Paperback
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Date Like a Woman highlights Kai Nicole's often "unconventional dating beliefs' to make a date a more pleasurable experience for women. What intrigued me the most about this book is that Kai Nicole was not focused on teaching a woman how to date for the goal of getting married, which is often the focus of dating books for women. Kai Nicole's approach centered on making sure that women understood how to date as a means of enjoying the dating experience.

Each chapter of the book highlighted an important aspect of dating, which often has conflicting viewpoints. For example, Chapter 2, entitled Managing Expectations, provided steps for women to channel their expectations when it comes to dating. I personally found Chapter 7 to be the most intriguing. The title of Chapter 7 was "What You Can Learn from Strippers and Groupies." I liked this chapter because Kai Nicole emphasized how it is essential to understand details about an individual to fully know how to deal with him, which is what strippers and groupies are skilled at doing.

Kai Nicole's writing style helps to convey her ideology in a friendly non-threatening manner. She isn't preaching to the reader and forcing on the reader that her dating approach should be law. She writes as if she is your friend, whom you are chatting with at a Girl's Night Out Sleepover party. She shares her dating approach based on how she dates.

I believe Date Like a Woman provides a fresh approach to dating. Some of the techniques shared aren't feasible for several reasons, but many are practical that can be implemented today. For women, who are returning to dating science, this book is a great tool to encourage the enjoyment of dating rather than the chore of dating.

For more information about the author and the book, visit the website: http://www.datelikeawoman.com 

 

About the Author

Image retrieved from Author's Website

Kai Nicole holds degrees from Harvard University and Howard University School of Law.

She has worked in law, entertainment, technology (Silicon Valley), and has done business development consulting for multiple entrepreneurs.

A native Washingtonian, she has also lived in Boston and Atlanta. Kai is currently residing with her family in the suburbs of San Francisco.

Guest Post: Facts and Fiction in an Author's Writings: The Conscious/Unconscious Blurring of the Two by Doron Gil, Ph.D.

Facts and Fiction in an Author's Writings: The Conscious/Unconscious Blurring of the Two
By Doron Gil, Ph.D.
What is fact and what is fiction in novels and stories
In literature, the line between fact and fiction is sometimes blurred. In Fiction it often happens that the writer claims to not consciously intending to include autobiographical elements in the novel/story. But doesn't he/she? And does it make any difference to us, the readers, and/or to the quality of the book?
In any case, when you read a novel or a story, you probably rarely ask yourself what in the book is fiction, and what is based on the author's autobiographical elements. And why would you? Would knowing one way or another makes any difference? Does knowing, for example, that some of the book's plot or characters are based on some aspects of the author's own life give the book more credibility? More attractive powers? Or does a book stand on its own merit, whether or not it is based, in part, on the writer's autobiographical elements?
Does knowing that fact and fiction are blurred add any value or credibility to the novel/story?
It is a well-known fact that the Belgian writer Georges Simenon (1903 - 1989), who has published about 500 novels and short stories, has based many of his characters on people he knew.
It is also known that many of the short stories of the American writer Raymond Carver (1938 - 1988) have some autobiographical elements in them (i.e., drunkenness, divorce, and couples' fights).
A similar case we find in Jonathan Safran Foer's comment about his latest book ("Here I am", 2016). Eleven years after Foer published his last book ("Extremely Loud & Increasingly Close", 2005) his new novel is about relationships.
When questioned about whether the book is based on autobiographical elements, Foer answered that he often asks himself the same question. He admits to having divorced his ex after 10 years of marriage, and also says that during the last 11 years he has been writing constantly about issues related to marriage and divorce.
So, without having received a clear answer, we see that, once again, facts and fiction seem to be blurred, intermingled and intertwined.
And once again, knowing that to be the case, does it give any added quality to Foer's book?
What if the author wouldn't have told us what the description of the rape has been based on?
Jessica Knoll's debut novel"Luckiest Girl Alive" (Simon & Schuster, 2016), describes, in a very credible manner, a group-rape of a 14-year-old girl. Some of the critics asked Knoll about the research she has done prior to writing the book, which helped her describe the rape in such a credible manner. Several weeks after the book has been published, Knoll has admitted in an interview that the rape scene has happened to her (as Knoll explained in "Lenny", a newsletter and website for young women, on March 29, 2016)
If Knoll should have not told us, would this have made any difference? How often authors don't tell us? And does it really matter whether the "fiction" is based, in part, on some of the author's autobiographical elements?
Can an author write passionately about love and eroticism without having had a personal experience?
The novel of the Israeli author Judith Katzir "Dearest Anne" (the Feminist Press, 2008) tells the erotic love-story between a 14-year-old girl and her 27-year-old teacher. Apparently, their love is "unique" to the two of them. But would it been possible for the author to describe love and sex in such a detailed, yet aesthetic way, without having had a (similar, to say the least), personal experience?
Could it be that an author who devotes pages on pages to describe, in much detail, an erotic love between two; their longings for each other; their "sexual games"; their addictive, forbidden love, hasn't based it, at least in part, on her own experiences (even to the point of "using" the writing process as self-therapy)?
Upon reading Katzir's book, one might wonder how many autobiographical elements the book is based upon. Such lovely, vivid, explicit, emotional descriptions of love and attraction - is it possible that they all have come only from the imaginary mind of Katzir, or is it possible, just possible, that she must have experienced at lease some (similar) level of love and attraction to be able to write about it so convincingly?
Katzir's "Dearest Anne" is only one example, of many, showing that in literature it is not always possible to differentiate between the author's imagination and elements based on the author's life. The two are often blurred.
Does knowing that Nabokov had synaesthesia make a difference?
It might not be known that the Russian-American writer Vladimir Nabokov (1899 - 1977; famous for the novel "Lolita", 1955) - had synaesthesia (a neurological condition in which stimulation of one sense produces experiences in a totally different sense. For example, people with synesthesia might see colors in letters; or can see colors in the food they taste; or might associate colors with emotions).
Knowing that Nabokov had synaesthesia might explain why some of the characters in his books are afflicted with synesthesia (including in the novels "The Defense", 1930 and "The Gift", 1952).
Nabokov used to tell how having synesthesia helps and enriches the characters' lives (as well as the readers': Synesthesia can be used by the writer as a literary device, describing people, places, events, and emotions in terms of multiple senses [which is often the case in poetry]. This "technique" makes the reader feel more "in touch" with the story/poem).
Yet the question again is: does it make any difference to the reader, knowing that the writer has had similar experiences to those of his characters? Does it add any value to the novel/story?
We don't know. However, having had a similar experience might enable the writer to "get into the head" of his characters and describe them in a more credible way (which, in the long run, can give the novel better credibility and maybe makes it a "better" novel with a broader universal appeal).
Between fiction and fact: where does the quality of the story lie?
Getting into the mind of someone else - even of a "normal" person - is a difficult enterprise. Not even psychiatrists, psychologists and other therapists can do so without doubt and difficulties.
When it comes to "unconventional" persons - murderers, crazy people and the like - it might even be harder to get into their heads.
When it comes to literature, there are those who claim that good writers, who have a keen eye to observe and record, can indeed get into the head of their personalities, be they "normal" or "deviant".
Still, this is a no easy task, and we often don't know whether the writer has had any "close encounters" with a similar case or not... Often, when the fictional work attracts and impresses us, it doesn't make any difference.
Or does it?
Doron Gil, Ph.D. is the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Doron_Gil,_Ph.D./742948
http://EzineArticles.com/?Facts-and-Fiction-in-an-Authors-Writings:-The-Conscious/Unconscious-Blurring-of-the-Two&id=9532231

Blogtour: One Pedal at a Time by CJ Golden

Book Title: One Pedal at a Time: A Novice Caregiver and Her Cyclist Husband Face Their New Normal with Courage, Tenacity, and Abundant Love
Publisher: Eronel Publishing
Date: February 14, 2018
Categories: Nonfiction; Women's Interest; Caregiver
Author's Website: https://www.cjgolden.com/

About the Book:

My participation in this BlogTour is perfect since May is Family Support Month and Older Americans Month. I am excited to participate in the BlogTour for CJ Golden's new book: One Pedal at a Time: A Novice Caregiver and Her Cyclist Husband Face Their New Normal with Courage, Tenacity, and Abundant Love.

In this book, CJ Golden provides a glimpse into the often silent world of being a caregiver for a loved one. Sharing her journey as the caregiver for her husband, Golden shares the reality, which includes both the ups and downs, of being the primary caregiver to her husband, Joe.  I admire how Golden is not afraid to paint a very transparent picture of her journey caring for Joe, who suffered from cancer and several strokes. Based on this book, I believe that the love story between Golden and Joe is one that exceeds the meaning of the wedding vows in sickness and in health. For caregivers, who often feel like they are alone in their journey of being the "go-to person" for their loved ones, Golden's book, One Pedal at a Time, proves that caregivers' experiences are not isolated. Based on this book, I understand the unspoken struggles of my mother and her siblings as they juggled their own lives and took care of my grandmother. Watching my mother demonstrate the unselfish nature of a caregiver, I appreciate Golden's desire to share her story with the world and to inspire other caregivers.

Who would enjoy this book?

I believe that people, who are caring for a loved one, would definitely appreciate reading One Pedal at a Time. Also, I think that people, who are not caring for a loved one but know of someone who is, could benefit from reading this book because it presents a glimpse into the caregiver's reality and could help them in understanding how to be a real friend to a caregiver. 

Connect with the Author

Connect with CJ Golden via social media: 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cjgoldenauthor/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/cjgoldenauthor   

Author Questions and Answers

Parts of your book are a series of emails that you sent to friends and family during the time of Joe’s hospitalization and recovery. What made you realize that you needed to share it with the world in a book?

Oh, my, that sounds a tad frightening, doesn’t it – sharing it with the world?  But all that I had learned and shared through my writing was being read and embraced by my readers. They were with Joe and me every step of the way and, knowing they were there and caring kept me going. It felt so good to have them all in my world as I went through this very personal tumultuous time. One Pedal at a Time grew out of their comments and, quite honestly, requests that I put my writings in a book for others to benefit from. My journey was similar to so many others’ and, therefore, the lessons I had brought to light were helpful to them. We need to know we are not alone in our circumstances; especially times of duress.

You have studied and practiced Taoist principles, how were you able to use these as you became an unexpected caregiver for your husband? 

Quite honestly, I did not recognize those principles specifically as they carried me through my caregiver journey. It was only when Joe was stronger and life as it had been was peeking through the clouds, that I sat and thought about the Tao. The principles that I had followed – and do throughout my life – are Tzu-jan, which means that “stuff happens”. Life takes the twists and turns it is supposed to take and we cannot undo that. 

Then Wu Wei comes in and we are taught we must acknowledge that which has happened for, without doing so, we cannot work our way through to the other side. Basically, in today’s terminology, I suspect that all would be explained as “You can’t change or ignore what has happened - so deal with it!” 

Tao also teaches us Te, that reminds us we are each unique with our own set of skills. Those skills are what we put in to play when we need to, well, “deal with stuff.” Along with our skillsets, we also have weaknesses that need to be acknowledged and dealt with. Either we can try to strengthen those weaknesses or, if that cannot be, we must never put ourselves down for them. In my case, my strengths took over while those skills I did not have, I recognized had to be delegated to someone else. In this manner I continued to learn and do the best I could possibly do for Joe.

Your book is not only a book about caregiving, but a true love story. Please explain the importance of sharing that aspect of your book as part of Joe’s (and your) recovery. 

I do believe most everyone enjoys a good love story, but I did not set out to write that as the mainstay of the book. It evolved, much as our journey evolved. To not share that part of our relationship with others would have been to leave out, I believe, the most uplifting part of our story.

There are so many out there caring for loved ones; spouses, parents, children, friends. The job is difficult, painful and can cause rifts in relationships. I think it is important to show them that, with the right attitude (I’m sorry if that sounds pedantic, and Pollyannaish) feelings of remorse can be turned into a stronger love as, together, caregiver and patient work through their trials - with an attitude of understand and caring.

The quote that stays with us comes from a plaque that hangs on the wall at Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital in Boston:“You get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. Take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a stronger person, or allow it to tear you down. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.” 

Joe and I chose to become stronger people – individually and as a couple and a “team.” I’ve since had many people share with me that their caregiver journey has created a stronger loving bond between them and their patient. 

Our love story is real – there was no way I could not share it.

In your email section of the book, your tone is very positive, was there a point where you felt hopeless or angry? How do you handle those kinds of feelings when your closest friend and confidante can’t help you with them?

I made a point of adding something positive to each email I had sent out. I think, retrospectively, I needed to do that to bolster my own torn soul. Of course, I wanted those who cared to find something upbeat in my words. I knew they were with Joe and me in spirit and it needed to share it all – the pain and the positive.

            

As for me feeling hopeless and angry; of course I did. There were days when I had to leave Joe’s side so I could sit in the caregiver lounge and cry.  Or call a friend and rant. Or – forgive me for this admission – take a handful of Ativan in order to continue on. (On those days I had someone driving me home, or I was staying in Joe’s room overnight).

            

My closest friends and confidantes were able to help me – I remember sitting in my living room one morning, absolutely shattered and, after texting two extremely close friends, finding them coming to my home to allow me to babble and blubber on; to cry and scream; and they listened and they held me and I was able to pull myself together and get to the hospital.  

            

But I could not live in the negative and somehow found a way to continue on with hope and optimism. It wasn’t easy. But it was necessary to do so, or I would have not been able to continue caring for Joe. Or myself. 

What are 3 pieces of advice you could give to someone who has just been thrown into the caregiver role?       

Educate yourself about your role: learn about the illness which has struck your loved one; learn about the “cures” and side effects; learn to talk with the medical staff and become a part of their team. Take what I call, a course in Hospital 101. You cannot be a bystander and wear blinders. You’re learning much under fire, but it will help you help your loved one immeasurably.   

Recognize that you must MUST care for yourself. I did not and the result was a woman (me) who was emotionally and physically exhausted, and on the brink of not being capable of caring for Joe in any capacity.  Seek counseling and guidance. Listen to people who tell you to take care of YOU. They are right! 

I love Joseph Campbell’s quote: “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

The life Joe and I had planned was wonderful for as long as it lasted. Now we live   another life– but still with each other – and we are thankful   for what we once had, and grateful for the life we now have together.

I hear so many caregivers bemoaning the new life that has been handed to them; they want their old life back. But, this, now, is their life. And, as Campbell says, it must be accepted. That is also the Tao – here you are, your path has been altered, find your unique strengths and create a new life.

CJ GOLDEN in her new book, One Pedal at a Time: A Novice Caregiver and Her Cyclist Husband Face Their New Normal with Courage, Tenacity, and Abundant Love (Eronel Publishing, Feb. 2018), recounts her experiences during and after her husband of 25 years suffered numerous cancer-related strokes, and her learning curve as a caregiver. More about CJ at https://www.cjgolden.com/.

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Book Review: In the Heart of Texas by Ginger McKnight-Chavers

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Book Title: In The Heart of Texas
Author: Ginger McKnight-Chavers
Format: Paperback
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

In the Heart of Texas is a story about an actress, Jo Randolph, and her unexpected transition to her hometown, Midland Texas.  Having a desire to be an actress since her childhood, Jo achieves her dream, but she has to pay a cost.

This book was quite entertaining.  Striving to be more than a desperate actress, Jo became entangled in a unique love affair that ultimately costs her a coveted job and a familiar life. Ultimately, as Jo's life falls apart, she partakes in a journey of self-discovery, which transforms her life right before her eyes.

Once Jo's love affair explodes into a media circus, she quickly retreats to her hometown, Midland, Texas.  Having promised herself that she would not return to her hometown, she quickly experiences a culture shock.  Adjusting to the slow pace of Midland, Texas from Hollywood is a very interesting transition for Jo.

While home, Jo is hired as a drama teacher at her former high school.  Being a teacher in Midland was something that Jo never dreamed possible, but after the media circus, it was very necessary for her to survive.  Ironically, Jo reconnects with a former classmate, but her attempt at reconnection was a complete wreck. Returning to Midland, Texas forces Jo to embrace her humble beginnings and start a new chapter filled with renewed hope.

Through Jo's mid-life crisis, the reader is exposed to Jo's often convoluted attitudes and beliefs about her life.  The unexpected events in Jo's life catapult her to appreciate what she has in her life rather than what is missing. Resilience is a theme throughout the text that is significantly illustrated as Jo pushes forward and embraces her new future.




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Book Review: The Hard Times by Russell Scott

The Hard Times by Russell Scott highlights life from the perspective of men.  Scott includes love, tragedy, divorce, theft, and betrayal, among other themes, to portray how love can trump over it all.  Ray Moffett's journey throughout the novel is filled with real-life events that readers can relate.  My curiosity about the ties between Fritz and Ray was fully satisfied as the novel unfolded.

Being a physician from my home state of Mississippi, Scott pays close attention to details throughout the text, just like I am sure he does at the hospital.  This attention to detail makes using figurative language a breeze, as Scott plays on the emotions of the reader. Also, Scott leaves the reader contemplating interactions with others, as well as how the interactions ultimately can impact their lives. Bringing in his medical expertise, Scott narrates a drama that if full of characters with life and drama with surreal emotions.

Overall, I was very pleased with the book.  From the beginning to end, Scott knows how to reveal a captivating story for bibliophiles like myself.

An Interview With Russell Scott

The Hard Times is partially based on your own experience in Africa. How much is fact vs. fiction?

It's almost all true; the bits are just strung together in a way to make a coherent story. The characters are fictional, their circumstances are universal, so it's a story woven from facts.

When did you go to Africa and why?

I've been to Africa several times, both the northern and the southern ends of the continent. But this book comes primarily from the time I spent in Namibia hunting.

Are the two brothers, Fritz and Manfred, based on real people?

Yes and no. I know that sounds disingenuous, but the circumstances are altered. They are both based on an amalgam or real people. As an oncologist, I live with Manfred's story every day, so I am perhaps closest to him, even though he is a bit evil and imperfect. His motives are like many people facing such an event in their lives – they want to protect their family. Manfred can't be judged too harshly, given the circumstances of his childhood. Fritz, on the other hand, is a man who has looked across the sights of a rifle at another man and circumstances have demanded that he pull the trigger. That is something I can relate to as well. He understands both the detachment that that takes and the toll it takes on a man's soul.

Can you tell us about the role of the international diamond trade in The Hard Times?

It is the framework for the story. The Kimberly Process – the name comes from the city in South Africa where the diamond producing states came together in 2000 to try and regulate the trade in "conflict diamonds" sometimes called "blood diamonds" for the blood that is spilled in their wake as a financier of conflicts and regional wars. It was soon adopted by the General Council of the United Nations and resulted in the Kimberly Process Certification Scheme. In many ways, its intent has been subverted by the country of Zimbabwe, under Robert Mugabe, and in that country, nationalization of diamond mining has resulted in "artisanal miners" unprotected and exploited, digging diamonds for little or nothing. The destabilization of the Zimbabwean currency, created a state where the diamonds had to be sold for a worthless currency, so many of them flooded into the black market. This story is a fictional supposition of what would happen if...

What do you want readers to learn from your protagonist, Dr. Ray Moffett?

That sometimes we are most blind to that which is most important to us. In Ray's case, it is his wife. In many ways, Ray is an idiot, just like a lot of men, ego and temptation and just plain stupidity conspire to ruin our lives. This story is designed to help see what is important and what's crap.

What did you find challenging about writing The Hard Times?

Publishing it, it was very easy to write, it flowed out. Sometimes it felt like I couldn't catch my breath I was writing so fast. But, when it was finished, and I read it, it was somehow too personal to share. But with some help from my friends, it is here now, and I hope it's worth the reading. We have become too conditioned to heroes and villains, black and white, good and evil, but life is rarely that simple, so I leave you to draw your own conclusions. 

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The Bum Magnet by K. L. Brady

The Bum Magnet by K. L. Brady strolled into my library via one of my co-workers, while I was in the hospital. I normally do not read fiction books, especially romance fiction. I thrive off of non-fiction. However, since my sickness was life-threatening, I decided to give the book a try, AND I am happy to say I enjoyed reading The Bum Magnet. 

Charisse Tyson was perhaps the epitome of most black women now. She was a successful business-woman, who really had it all. Charisse looked great, lived in a huge house, drove the expensive car, had a great body, and behaved like a lady.  Does this sound like someone you know? K. L. Brady captures the reader by drawing them into Charisse. Of course, Charisse had it going on, but she was MANLESS. Despite being the perfect catch for a “good” man, Charisse had a closet full of “bum” skeletons. The men in her past have been all but good.

Reading The Bum Magnet, sometimes I found myself in Charisse’s shoes. (I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing). However, K. L. Brady left me wanting to know more about Charisse and whether or not she finally was able to dispose of her “bum magnet.”